The Silent Miaow
Paul Gallico
When I was a very young kitten/I had the bad luck to lose my mother/and find myself alone in the world/at the age of six weeks. After a week or so in the country/living off a most revolting diet of grubs and insects,/I determined to take over a family/and become a house cat,/and I set about immediately to achieve my ends.
I emerged from the woods,/hungry and disgusted with nature in the raw,/to see,/standing in a clearing,/a small, white house/with green-painted shutters. There was a barn nearby,/a flower and vegetable garden,/a small grape arbor, a fish pond, etc. The house and the grounds were neat and well-kept,/and obviously belonged to persons of some affluence.
I went to the back door of the house/and looked around. A man and his wife were having breakfast inside. This pair looked exactly like the family I wanted,/so I jumped onto the screen door,/clung there,/and cried piteously. They looked up at me from their breakfast.
The woman said,/“Oh, look! The poor little thing,/it wants to come in. Maybe it’s hungry. I’ll give it some milk.”
Just as I expected! I had her. All I needed was to get one paw inside the door.
However,/it wasn’t going to be all that simple. The man! He began to shout,/bellowing that he hated cats/and he wouldn’t have one in the house.
“Oho!”/I said to myself. “This man is trouble,/but I can handle him.”
The woman opened the door and picked me up,/saying to him,/“Oh, don’t make such a fuss, darling. I’ll just give her some milk. We’ll put her out afterward.” And, of course,/the more she fussed over me/the angrier he got/until finally he shouted,/“Okay now, that’s enough! Come on,/get it out of here.”
The woman did this,/but as soon as she turned around,/I followed her back to the house. We did this three times,/while the man came out of the house,/got into his car,/and watched us. The fourth time/I just sat down in the woods and looked miserable. The man kissed his wife goodbye,/but the last thing he did before he drove away/was to turn around to see me sitting there,/all alone,/by myself. I was satisfied/because I was sure/that I had spoiled his day,/and all he would be able to think of would be me.
Of course,/as soon as the car had disappeared down the road,/the wife came out of the house,/picked me up and carried me back inside,/as I knew she would. I had her/where I wanted her. We had a lovely day together.
Just before evening the woman took me in her arms,/kissed me,/and said,/“Now,/Kitty,/I’m afraid you must go. He’ll be coming back.” She put me out,/and soon the headlights of the car came around the corner/and the man came home.
I stayed until it was quite dark and then,/feeling sorry for myself,/because I was lonely and hungry again,/I sat outside the screen door/and just cried and cried and cried.
The light was on in the dining room. Through the window/I saw them eating their supper. I went and sat under the window/and cried louder. I put everything I had into my miaows. They would have melted a heart of stone.
The woman said,/“Oh, the poor little thing,/she must be hungry again.”
The man shouted,/“For heaven’s sake then,/why don’t you let it in and feed it?” So the woman came out and fetched me/and I had another good meal,/and after dinner,/instead of putting me out,/she took me onto her lap,/where she played with me,/and I at once began to purr and make up to her. The man was reading his newspaper,/but every so often he would put it down/and throw us black looks.
After a while/the woman put me onto her chair/and went out of the room. Then she called down from upstairs,/“Oh, darling,/I’m almost ready for bed. Will you put the cat out?”
The man shouted,/“All right!”/and picked me up,/got a flashlight,/and carried me out. He was most awkward holding me,/and when I got my head under his chin he said,/“Cut it out, Kitty,”/and I knew/I could have had him right then and there. But I wasn’t in any hurry. I knew now/that I could take him whenever I wanted. I made up my mind to soften him up/so that when the time came/he would become my absolute slave. So,/when he went to put me down in the woods,/I just fastened my claws into his shirt and screamed.
He unfastened me and put me down. I kept on yelling as he went off,/and of course,/as I knew he would,/he turned around/and turned on his flashlight/to see whether I was following him,/which of course I was. He picked me up, saying,/“Kitty, stay there!” I anchored myself to his shirt again. We kept going through this routine. He said,/“Don’t kid yourself, Kitty,”/and marched off with me,/but this time he took me to the barn,/where he rummaged about/until he found an old cardboard box,/into which he dumped me. He said,/“There! You can stay there,/and for heaven’s sake keep quiet!” Then he walked off again/but couldn’t resist turning around/and putting the light on to see/if I was going to follow him again. This time I didn’t. I just sat there looking at him,/with my head showing above the box,/and he stood looking at me. And so I gave him the Silent Miaow. When I give the Silent Miaow/I open my mouth as if I am going to miaow. But no sounds come out. I look so sad/that people give me anything I ask for.
The man came all unstuck. He stood there/looking absolutely helpless,/saying,/“For heaven’s sake, Kitty,/what do you want now?”
I gave him the Silent Miaow again.
He came back into the barn looking confused,/picked me up out of the box,/and said,/“What the hell are you after, Kitty?”
His wife must have been waiting at the door for him,/for I heard her say,/“Darling, what on earth have you been doing? You’ve been ages,”/and his reply,/“I thought maybe it might be going to rain. I put the cat in the barn. She can stay there.”
Ha! Ha! Ha! Me stay there! That was a good one! I laughed myself to sleep.
Of course,/after that/it didn’t take long at all,/and the very next night/I thought it was time to take him.
It was a hot, sultry summer evening. I was sitting on the woman’s lap/interfering with her sewing/and the man was reading his newspaper as usual. Just then/there was a flash of lightning and a crashing of thunder/and it began to rain hard.
Some time later/the thunder and lightning went away,/but it kept on raining/and the woman said,/“Will you put the cat out?”
The man looked at her/as though she were out of her mind/and shouted,/“What? Put her out on a night like this? Are you crazy?”
“Why? She’ll be all right in the barn, won’t she?”
The man was furious. “Well,/I don’t want a cat in the house,”/he said. “But that doesn’t mean putting her out in the rain. Look,/she’s trembling like a leaf!”
Trembling was right. I was trying to keep from laughing out loud.
I got onto the man’s shoulder/while he was reading the newspaper/and stayed there. Suddenly he put the paper down,/yawned, stretched, and remarked,/“Bedtime, I guess. Come on, Kitty.” Nothing was said about the barn. All of us went upstairs to bed.
That’s the way I entered my house.
When I was a very young kitten/I had the bad luck to lose my mother/and find myself alone in the world/at the age of six weeks. After a week or so in the country/living off a most revolting diet of grubs and insects,/I determined to take over a family/and become a house cat,/and I set about immediately to achieve my ends.
I emerged from the woods,/hungry and disgusted with nature in the raw,/to see,/standing in a clearing,/a small, white house/with green-painted shutters. There was a barn nearby,/a flower and vegetable garden,/a small grape arbor, a fish pond, etc. The house and the grounds were neat and well-kept,/and obviously belonged to persons of some affluence.
I went to the back door of the house/and looked around. A man and his wife were having breakfast inside. This pair looked exactly like the family I wanted,/so I jumped onto the screen door,/clung there,/and cried piteously. They looked up at me from their breakfast.
The woman said,/“Oh, look! The poor little thing,/it wants to come in. Maybe it’s hungry. I’ll give it some milk.”
Just as I expected! I had her. All I needed was to get one paw inside the door.
However,/it wasn’t going to be all that simple. The man! He began to shout,/bellowing that he hated cats/and he wouldn’t have one in the house.
“Oho!”/I said to myself. “This man is trouble,/but I can handle him.”
The woman opened the door and picked me up,/saying to him,/“Oh, don’t make such a fuss, darling. I’ll just give her some milk. We’ll put her out afterward.” And, of course,/the more she fussed over me/the angrier he got/until finally he shouted,/“Okay now, that’s enough! Come on,/get it out of here.”
The woman did this,/but as soon as she turned around,/I followed her back to the house. We did this three times,/while the man came out of the house,/got into his car,/and watched us. The fourth time/I just sat down in the woods and looked miserable. The man kissed his wife goodbye,/but the last thing he did before he drove away/was to turn around to see me sitting there,/all alone,/by myself. I was satisfied/because I was sure/that I had spoiled his day,/and all he would be able to think of would be me.
Of course,/as soon as the car had disappeared down the road,/the wife came out of the house,/picked me up and carried me back inside,/as I knew she would. I had her/where I wanted her. We had a lovely day together.
Just before evening the woman took me in her arms,/kissed me,/and said,/“Now,/Kitty,/I’m afraid you must go. He’ll be coming back.” She put me out,/and soon the headlights of the car came around the corner/and the man came home.
I stayed until it was quite dark and then,/feeling sorry for myself,/because I was lonely and hungry again,/I sat outside the screen door/and just cried and cried and cried.
The light was on in the dining room. Through the window/I saw them eating their supper. I went and sat under the window/and cried louder. I put everything I had into my miaows. They would have melted a heart of stone.
The woman said,/“Oh, the poor little thing,/she must be hungry again.”
The man shouted,/“For heaven’s sake then,/why don’t you let it in and feed it?” So the woman came out and fetched me/and I had another good meal,/and after dinner,/instead of putting me out,/she took me onto her lap,/where she played with me,/and I at once began to purr and make up to her. The man was reading his newspaper,/but every so often he would put it down/and throw us black looks.
After a while/the woman put me onto her chair/and went out of the room. Then she called down from upstairs,/“Oh, darling,/I’m almost ready for bed. Will you put the cat out?”
The man shouted,/“All right!”/and picked me up,/got a flashlight,/and carried me out. He was most awkward holding me,/and when I got my head under his chin he said,/“Cut it out, Kitty,”/and I knew/I could have had him right then and there. But I wasn’t in any hurry. I knew now/that I could take him whenever I wanted. I made up my mind to soften him up/so that when the time came/he would become my absolute slave. So,/when he went to put me down in the woods,/I just fastened my claws into his shirt and screamed.
He unfastened me and put me down. I kept on yelling as he went off,/and of course,/as I knew he would,/he turned around/and turned on his flashlight/to see whether I was following him,/which of course I was. He picked me up, saying,/“Kitty, stay there!” I anchored myself to his shirt again. We kept going through this routine. He said,/“Don’t kid yourself, Kitty,”/and marched off with me,/but this time he took me to the barn,/where he rummaged about/until he found an old cardboard box,/into which he dumped me. He said,/“There! You can stay there,/and for heaven’s sake keep quiet!” Then he walked off again/but couldn’t resist turning around/and putting the light on to see/if I was going to follow him again. This time I didn’t. I just sat there looking at him,/with my head showing above the box,/and he stood looking at me. And so I gave him the Silent Miaow. When I give the Silent Miaow/I open my mouth as if I am going to miaow. But no sounds come out. I look so sad/that people give me anything I ask for.
The man came all unstuck. He stood there/looking absolutely helpless,/saying,/“For heaven’s sake, Kitty,/what do you want now?”
I gave him the Silent Miaow again.
He came back into the barn looking confused,/picked me up out of the box,/and said,/“What the hell are you after, Kitty?”
His wife must have been waiting at the door for him,/for I heard her say,/“Darling, what on earth have you been doing? You’ve been ages,”/and his reply,/“I thought maybe it might be going to rain. I put the cat in the barn. She can stay there.”
Ha! Ha! Ha! Me stay there! That was a good one! I laughed myself to sleep.
Of course,/after that/it didn’t take long at all,/and the very next night/I thought it was time to take him.
It was a hot, sultry summer evening. I was sitting on the woman’s lap/interfering with her sewing/and the man was reading his newspaper as usual. Just then/there was a flash of lightning and a crashing of thunder/and it began to rain hard.
Some time later/the thunder and lightning went away,/but it kept on raining/and the woman said,/“Will you put the cat out?”
The man looked at her/as though she were out of her mind/and shouted,/“What? Put her out on a night like this? Are you crazy?”
“Why? She’ll be all right in the barn, won’t she?”
The man was furious. “Well,/I don’t want a cat in the house,”/he said. “But that doesn’t mean putting her out in the rain. Look,/she’s trembling like a leaf!”
Trembling was right. I was trying to keep from laughing out loud.
I got onto the man’s shoulder/while he was reading the newspaper/and stayed there. Suddenly he put the paper down,/yawned, stretched, and remarked,/“Bedtime, I guess. Come on, Kitty.” Nothing was said about the barn. All of us went upstairs to bed.
That’s the way I entered my house.